Dear Anxious Person, No One Hates You, You Hate Yourself.

“Everyone just hates me.”

A common thought of the anxious person is, “no one likes me,” or, “everyone hates me.” After a situation that that leaves the anxious person with disappointment or humiliation, from this false belief, we automatically think there’s something we did wrong or that we ourselves are wrong.

Anyone who struggles with anxiety knows how painful this thought feels. It may seem beneficial to express that everyone hates us and enforce this negative thought by giving reasons as to why this thought might be true.

However, relying too much on our own intuition can separate us from reality (what is really going on AND how other people do feel about us).

If we keep letting our anxious thoughts win and press snooze on reality, we will continue to miss out on intimate connections with the people we love and whom love us in return.

This is why the anxious person ends up feeling isolated, misunderstood, empty, depressed, and (of course) anxious.

Addressing Our Shame

“Everyone hates me.” 

This thought stems from an anxious person who is overwhelmed with shame and self-hatred. The definition of shame is: “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.”₁

The anxious person will have convinced themselves that something is wrong with them, and take ordinary things someone says out of context and become offended.

Due to the initial, or repeated, offenses experienced in the past, they develop a hole in their hearts and it continues to deepen the more it’s poked at.

It has come to a point where it swallows them whole and they live on autopilot mode. Consumed with anxiety due to their shame.

It’s time to finally let go of this dead weight, shame, that you’ve been carrying for a long time.

Happiness Depends on Our Thought

Depending on how we think we can either be happy or unhappy.

Then, if we have been experiencing anxiety and thought negatively and ended up feeling unhappy or worried, we can take a step in a positive direction by reframing our thoughts (also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT). 

A good way to shift our negative thinking into positive thinking is by using CBT. A simple way to start is by using radical honesty. Leave out your emotion and write down the situation that stressed you out.

Next, you’ll write down what kind of thoughts or emotions you were having during the anxiety-fueling situation and which part of the situation caused those feelings or thoughts. Then, write down how you could look at the situation from a different perspective.

At first, it may be hard because you are lit-er-ally rewiring your brain. But as you continue to practice reframing your thoughts, you will build up endurance, and eventually thinking positively will feel more natural.

Build up positivity in you like a muscle and reflect on how strong you’ve become.

Again, due to shame or self-hatred, our minds may want to cling to what is most familiar. However, this CBT exercise will benefit you as you continue to do it (and you can!).

Conclusion

We did not become who we are today overnight. So, to manage and overcome our anxiety, will also take a lot of time.

Everyone has their own pace; the key is never giving up on ourselves. The great thing is, we can certainly do it! Go ahead and tell yourself, “I can do this!” 

One by one keep making a list of positive things you can say to yourself, instead of ruminating on negative thoughts.

Wishing you the best on your journey of personal development and mental well-being.