Read This If You’re Lonely: The Epidemic of Loneliness
It’s fascinating how many single people there are. On top of that, the divorce rates keep going above 50%. There are numerous online dating coaches and healing coaches teaching people how to be suitable partners for a relationship or how to be independent. It’s clear that there is an epidemic of loneliness happening in the world. Single people die earlier than married couples; this was shown in case studies. But even so, people who are married and have children can still feel loneliness, too. The answer to all this madness is: connectedness.
When we have our own way to feel connected with ourselves, society, an origin, etc., we gain a sense of self or purpose. This is when we are able to know who we are and love who we are. Without knowing who we are, we cannot love ourselves. As a result, we will feel disconnected. If we are disconnected from ourselves, though we have a partner, kids, a career, a house, none of it will truly resonate with us. It is of the utmost importance that we are connected with ourselves first so we can connect with others.
Loneliness vs. Connection
Not everyone who is single feels lonely (at least not all the time). They find a way to be involved through family, friendship, neighborhood, career, university, recreational activities, etc. There are people who happen to be single but still find a source of community. Normally, they are attuned to themselves. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have problems in their life, but they are able to connect with others well, so they don’t feel lonely even if they are single.
Married couples go through ups and downs in their relationships, but not all of them fail. Sometimes, the hardship is what brings them closer and helps each person in the marriage realize the value of being together. There are varying views on marriage, but mainly marriage is closely correlated with family. Even so, there are family businesses, so career and financial investments are made within a marriage. This strengthens the bond, and if it is healthy, the married couple will feel connected and loved.
The Struggles for Lonely People
Lonely people can be single or in a relationship; it all depends on how connected they feel with others. If one struggles to feel connected with others, the huge reason may be that they struggle to be connected with themselves. Other people cannot fill a void in our own emptiness. Each person has a duty to themselves to fill their own cup. No one can feel happiness or pain for another person. To get to like oneself is to get to know oneself (or know who you’d like to become).
The saying is true, “No one can love you if you don’t love yourself.” It’ll be like explaining the color green to someone born blind. You can try to explain and give them many examples, but they simply would never know for themselves. This is why, for people who struggle with connecting with themselves, they must learn to love themselves. But first, you must know who you are and own it.
No Comparisons
The biggest mistake lonely people make is comparing themselves to other people. It’s tempting to do so when you feel close to or like your lives are similar to one another, but in actuality, there are so many things that make you different. You just need to find (or create) what those differences are.
Seeking Approval
People who don’t know themselves are always seeking approval or validation from others. While it’s good to get advice to learn about a particular subject from someone who has experience or is an expert in that field, it’s not okay to ask someone else to make decisions in your life. When you start making your own choices, you will build self-trust. It does take time, but eventually, you’ll learn what you like and don’t like; you’ll learn what your boundaries are.
Negative Beliefs
People who are lonely often have negative beliefs about themselves. There are multiple complex reasons why someone can have negative self-beliefs, but these beliefs will keep you lonely. Some do not believe they deserve love, happiness, or success for reasons like “I am not a good person,” “I suck at everything,” “I’m a failure,” and so on. However, beliefs like these are actually thoughts. Though our thoughts are real, it does not make them true.
People who are connected with others are more often optimistic and have positive views about themselves. It’s important to note that these kinds of people put in effort to become this kind of person. It’s not a virtue one just has, like being born with hazel eyes. Anyone from all walks of life can develop positive self-beliefs.
Please do not get frustrated if you have tried to work on changing your negative self-beliefs because it is a very difficult thing to master. All that matters is that you never give up on yourself! There are no scores, time crunch, or anyone other than yourself that you have to answer to when it comes to developing positive self-beliefs. If it helps, there are so many people (even people you wouldn’t even suspect) that struggle with the same thing! Not that it’s comforting, but it is encouraging to know everyone is still pushing through difficulties.
Building Connection: Start With You
Loneliness feels all-encompassing, but the good news is that it isn’t permanent. Start small—spend time understanding your own likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Embrace solitude, not as a curse, but as a chance to grow. You’ll find that the more you connect with yourself, the easier it becomes to connect with others.
Reach out to a friend or family member. Join a club, take a class, or volunteer for a cause that resonates with you. The truth is, people long for connection just as much as you do. By showing up, you allow yourself to be part of something greater.
Connection isn’t about how many people you know but about how deeply you relate to them. It’s better to have one meaningful bond than dozens of surface-level acquaintances. Build connections with patience, openness, and understanding, starting from within.
Loneliness doesn’t define you. It’s a feeling—a signal that your heart is calling for deeper connections. The question is, are you ready to answer?